I have, aside from one occasion, been the one to end my relationships. Control freak, I know. For some reason I seem to have difficulty letting things die a natural death and so when I feel that there is no point/future or see a very evident fast approaching  expiry date I pull up stakes and gap it. Occasionally though, after a relationship ends, I feel stuck. Even after ‘moving on’ I miss the guy. It sucks.

I’m there now. In my post ‘Monogamy’ I mentioned Big Guy and how things ended there. Recently he invited me to dance classes. I have wanted to learn Salsa for ages so agreed. Besides, I miss Big Guy. The invite kick started my imagination and I find myself wondering ‘Why did he invite me?’ ‘Is there still something there?’ And I find myself dreading the inevitability of seeing him hit on other women and play his game while we are at social salsa nights for practice – I feel sure that, at this stage, that will still affect me. Aghhhh..Am not liking this at all. Perhaps I shouldn’t have said yes. 

I have been invited to a small party by my ex boxing instructor. He’s always had a crush and is cute in his own way. The party is quite intimate and attended by some people I would love to meet. I know Boxing Guy wants me there as his date and the party is way too far for me to drive or taxi home. He is talking about booking a hotel so I will be comfortable etc. Where will he be staying? Lol. He wants me to stay with him.

Problem is that the circle Big Guy circulates in and Boxing Guy circulates in is the same friggin circle even though they don’t know each other – I think. So while I want to go to this party I am going to have to sort alternative accommodation - I am not ready to spend the night with Boxing Guy. With 1 degree of separation there I really need to get Big Guy out of my head first. But how? 

I suppose I will keep going to the classes and social events and one way or another – us ending up together again or Big Guy relegating himself to ‘friend only’ status forever by using me as his wingman – it will be a win. Hopefully he will do one or the other quickly because am hating where I am right now and need some help moving on.

UPDATE:

Well, who would have known there was a third option? Once again Big Guy has disappointed me by making plans and not following through – it is the fourth time something like this has happened so am a little weary. Even though he has often been the one to make plans this friendship has been decidedly one-sided and friendships like that are about as satisfying as masturbating with a cheese grater so have bowed out as gracefully as possible. : ) Just can’t be bothered making the effort anymore. A male friend told me this morning that it sounds like he just wanted to be wanted but that ’guys just don’t do friends with exes’.  It just doesn’t happen. I am sure there are exceptions to this but looks like Big Guy isn’t one of them. Just another guy with intentions for Africa which are only apparent to him. I am a little sad but relieved as well. Life goes on.