Last night I got a txt from one of the guys at my gym. He asked me if I had heard about Boxing Guy. Boxing Guy collapsed with a heart attack at the gym on Monday and passed on. Boxing Guy and I were friends but not all that close. He had moved away last year but he had always taken the time for me. Last Friday he travelled for over an hour just to have lunch with me. He liked me and I liked him back even though I was not sure I was ready to take things further with him. He had a good heart underneath all the muscle and tattoos. I hate that it failed him in the end. RIP my friend. I know you’ll have a crowd to see you off. I will miss you.

Boxing Guy was only 39. Young. Fit. Healthy. Here on Friday and gone on Monday. It made me reflect on what is really important. Death does that to everyone I think.

I came home and had a few drinks and had a stupid conversation with a friend – trying to drown my sorrows in humour – we all have our different ways of coping with pain/shock I guess. Then sent a txt to Big Guy to make peace. He had called me up the other day and I had been pretty scathing about the quality of his friendship or lack thereof and basically told him where to go. I was angry but anger is toxic. Life is too short for that. So I told him that even though I feel he had been less than a friend we had shared a few good times and that I wished him well.

Today my thoughts have turned to people I’ve hurt. More specifically, I’ve been thinking about my ex husband and how much I hurt him. I can’t apologise for leaving him because that was something I had to do. But if there is any way I hurt him needlessly I want him to know how sorry I am. That I think he is a good man and have no regrets about spending a part of my life with him. That I wish him well too. Sometimes we hurt people unintentionally in the course of doing things we must do for ourselves. I am going to find a way to tell him this week. It might mean nothing to him but I want to anyway – just in case it does.

I have, aside from one occasion, been the one to end my relationships. Control freak, I know. For some reason I seem to have difficulty letting things die a natural death and so when I feel that there is no point/future or see a very evident fast approaching  expiry date I pull up stakes and gap it. Occasionally though, after a relationship ends, I feel stuck. Even after ‘moving on’ I miss the guy. It sucks.

I’m there now. In my post ‘Monogamy’ I mentioned Big Guy and how things ended there. Recently he invited me to dance classes. I have wanted to learn Salsa for ages so agreed. Besides, I miss Big Guy. The invite kick started my imagination and I find myself wondering ‘Why did he invite me?’ ‘Is there still something there?’ And I find myself dreading the inevitability of seeing him hit on other women and play his game while we are at social salsa nights for practice – I feel sure that, at this stage, that will still affect me. Aghhhh..Am not liking this at all. Perhaps I shouldn’t have said yes. 

I have been invited to a small party by my ex boxing instructor. He’s always had a crush and is cute in his own way. The party is quite intimate and attended by some people I would love to meet. I know Boxing Guy wants me there as his date and the party is way too far for me to drive or taxi home. He is talking about booking a hotel so I will be comfortable etc. Where will he be staying? Lol. He wants me to stay with him.

Problem is that the circle Big Guy circulates in and Boxing Guy circulates in is the same friggin circle even though they don’t know each other – I think. So while I want to go to this party I am going to have to sort alternative accommodation - I am not ready to spend the night with Boxing Guy. With 1 degree of separation there I really need to get Big Guy out of my head first. But how? 

I suppose I will keep going to the classes and social events and one way or another – us ending up together again or Big Guy relegating himself to ‘friend only’ status forever by using me as his wingman – it will be a win. Hopefully he will do one or the other quickly because am hating where I am right now and need some help moving on.

UPDATE:

Well, who would have known there was a third option? Once again Big Guy has disappointed me by making plans and not following through – it is the fourth time something like this has happened so am a little weary. Even though he has often been the one to make plans this friendship has been decidedly one-sided and friendships like that are about as satisfying as masturbating with a cheese grater so have bowed out as gracefully as possible. : ) Just can’t be bothered making the effort anymore. A male friend told me this morning that it sounds like he just wanted to be wanted but that ’guys just don’t do friends with exes’.  It just doesn’t happen. I am sure there are exceptions to this but looks like Big Guy isn’t one of them. Just another guy with intentions for Africa which are only apparent to him. I am a little sad but relieved as well. Life goes on.

I ventured out this evening with a girlfriend to practise my awesome newly acquired salsa moves. We got to the club at around midnight and it was already buzzing. The dance floor was jam-packed with couples and there was the usual ring of singles around the bar and floor – guys studying their drinks, the women in attendance, their drinks, the women etc… And others, like us, struggling with the ‘will we, won’t we’ dance dilemma.

I spotted a tall guy with a distinctive hat watching me from across the room. I couldn’t place his ethnicity but he definitely looked nice – the talk, dark, handsome type. He got up and took a couple different girls for a spin on the floor. Damn good dancer too..hmmmm.. He edged his way just behind me and, when my friend went to get a drink, asked if I wanted to dance. I felt like an idiot but said yes, would he teach me please. We must have danced for the next hour and a half to two hours. Hogging the dance floor for much of it. He was awesome…what’s more..he made me look awesome too. And we managed a bit of friendly banter as well. He told me ‘You are so so beautiful.’ ‘Your hands are so soft’. ‘You are the softest thing I’ve ever touched.’ Ahem..

Now, like any girl, I love being told that I am prrrrrrrrretty. Beautiful even. Awesome. Sure. But when it’s said repeatedly in the space of an hour it really really starts to sound like a line. Oh, that’s right!! It is a line. The soft hands thing as well. I’m a total gym bunny and have callouses on my hands that would put a construction worker to shame. Ok..maybe he just hadn’t felt the callouses just yet. He asked if we could go for a walk and so we did. We walked down to the water and chatted about life and other random things. What an interesting guy. And very intelligent too.

Then he started up with the beautiful thing again. Ok. He was laying it on a little thick. STOP IT! You’re making me feel like you’re not genuine. I’m a little vain but not entirely stupid! He kissed me. That was ok. I can handle a kiss.  Then he grabbed my boobs. Ooook. Maybe a little too eager there buddy. I suggested coffee.

So we walked up to the coffee shop, had a coffee. Got back to the parking building. He grabbed me in the elevator. Told me I was beautiful again and went straight for the boobs…again! Hmmm…Clearly a boob man. And then told me I could do whatever I wanted with him. Hmmm…Really? We get to my car and he kisses me again. Boobs. Dude!

We get to his car. He asks me if I can park for a minute. After more kissing and, yes, boob grabbing, interrupted only by my feeble attempts of ‘I really need to go..I have work in the morning…’ he takes my face in his hands and tells me ‘I promise you. I really really promise you that I will take you to heaven by kissing every part of your body 1000 times’. Hmmm.. Really? I was tempted to say, ‘Sweetie, if you have to kiss any part of my body 1000 times to take me to heaven you’re doing something wrong.’..but didn’t want to encourage him. What came out of my mouth was.. ’um…jeez…1000 times will take you AGES!’ He kissed me some more and repeated his solemn oath. This time all I could think of saying was ‘Um, only if you’re very very lucky’.

Somehow I doubt he will be.

Why oh why do perfectly fine men do this kind of shit. He was hot. Great dancer. Smart. When he wasn’t telling me that I shone brighter than 1000 suns I liked what I was hearing. If it wasn’t for the compliment repetition, boob grabbing and solemn oaths to kiss me for a year and make me see stars I might have seen him again. Ah well. Awesome dancer. I would love to dance with him again but paying the fiddler – I don’t think so.

I have an 8yr old son who we will call Spidey. As most kids do, Spidey pushes his boundaries. It never ceases to amaze me that the little monsters must really truly think we cannot remember being their age. There are no tricks we have not seen or pulled for that matter.

One fine morning Spidey decided that he really didn’t want to get out of bed for school until 5mins before we were due to depart. He then proceeded out of hauling his skinny little self out of bed to throw the monster of all tantys. He hit me. I told him that if he hit me again I would take him down to the local police station and let them have a wee chat with him. It was unacceptable to hit his mom.

Spidey was missing his dad. We had separated 18mths earlier and our three kids, in spite of our best efforts, couldn’t help but suffer because of it. I called the EX and asked him to please spend some one on one time with Spidey. The little man had to be suffering from lack of male company – surrounded by his mom and two sisters. So EX came round a couple days later and took Spidey to a movie. I was stoked. EX has not always been that cooperative. I was glad to see him taking more of an interest.

Upon Spideys return that evening he started misbehaving again. He then told me that ‘Dad thinks that it was funny that I hit you and he said that if you take me to the police station they will say you are STUPID. I’m just a kid and it doesn’t hurt you if I hit you.’ I was flabbergasted. EXCUSE ME? Spidey reiterated his opinion – sure he was right. After all, Dad had spoken.

I had no choice. It was 7pm, not quite bedtime so I packed the kids into the car and told them we were going to go up to the police station and ask the policeman to have a chat with Spidey. Hitting mom was not ok. Off we went. Spidey looked a little scared as we pulled up but managed to hold it together. I approached the young cop behind the desk and explained the situation. He thought it was great fun and was more than happy to help. The police chief appeared a moment later and Spidey was ushered into his office. After 5mins I was called in too. Spidey recieved a stern lecture from the police chief about his attitude towards me and a warning not to hit again. ‘If your mother has to bring you here again we will put you in the cells’ he warned. Spidey was then given a short tour of the police station which included being shown the cells on camera where a few people were being detained. Spideys little lip trembled but he didn’t cry. He promised to behave and even shook the chiefs hand before leaving.

Heading home I asked Spidey what he thought. ‘Well, that policeman was clearly… STUPID..because my Dad said….’ and on Spidey went. I asked him if he wanted to go back and have another chat. He shook his head. Spidey was very well behaved..extra affectionate even.. for the next little while and I doubt he’ll ever forget his visit. I think he was a little surprised I followed through. At least now he knows I mean what I say.

Many times a brief relationship ends with one or both parties saying ‘Lets just be friends’. If it’s one party then clearly it’s not going to happen. If it’s both it can. But can you ever just remain friends or is one of you always hoping for it to turn into something more and is it the other persons way to reject without rejecting?

Hmmm…

I’ve been on both ends of the equation and have tried to do this a few times. With a couple guys it’s worked quite well. With others not so much. I find that if I am the one still emotionally confused about my feelings for someone then it doesn’t work for me at all. The best thing for me to do is stay away until I’ve sorted things out. The thing is the person that is still wanting something more is bound to let something slip at some stage making the other person uncomfortable, potentially uncomfortable enough to withdraw from the ‘friendship’ altogether.

I went out with a very cute 24yr old guy a few times. He is absolutely brilliant and a great conversationalist. He was quite a serious young guy and most of his girlfriends had been at very least my age or older. He told me he didn’t really relate to women his age. Fair enough. Problem was that I couldn’t get past the fact that he was practically just out of college and here I was, 6yrs older with a 12yr relationship behind me and three children. Given his life experience, not just his age, he was too young for me. I told him this and he wanted to stay friends. I agreed.

One day we caught up for a drink. We had a few laughs and went back to his place to check something out on his computer. I had made up a story (sometimes you gotta do it) and said I was seeing someone to avoid the inevitable rehash of why I didn’t want to see him. All of a sudden he ‘tackles’ me and was doing things that I just don’t do with friends. TIME!! ahem. What was up with that?! I left with my um…virtue..still intact and by virtue I mean with most of my clothes still on. I later flicked him a txt and said I was just going to see this other guy (the imaginary one – I must learn to just say what I mean and stop lying..sigh). I’ve continued to receive txts from him. Just got one today. I haven’t replied. Such a shame. We probably could be friends. But I don’t want to directly reject him. I thought I already made my feelings about our age gap clear. Not something he can change so why keep trying?

One thing I haven’t quite figured out yet though is ‘Do guys (exes) ever really just want to be friends or are they just waiting for you to slip up?’  Any answer would be a gross generalisation but I can’t help but wonder. I recently went through my phone and deleted every single guy that I couldn’t answer this question about with reasonable certainty. I figured, what was the point? I don’t collect friends. I value the ones that I have though. And I was getting so sick of people I thought were friends trying to ’slip me one’ – pardon the pun – so it was time for some housekeeping.

Ok. Not one of my finer moments. I tend to do questionable things when I’m feeling sad in an effort to cheer myself up. One fine day I had gone down to the Wharf downtown to sit and contemplate nature. I was sitting lost in a sea of nothing when I heard a car drive up behind me and stop. There was a cute afro south american guy in it in his mid 20s and we struck up a conversation. He asked me if I was doing anything later. I wasn’t. So we agreed to meet up for a drink when his shift was finished. He arrived at my local on his motorbike and invited me to come with him for ‘a spa’. Naturally, I was assuming it was at his place. I followed him in my car. He drove ahead of me on his motocross bike doing wheelies and being a big show-off. It was cute but I was thinking ‘Jeez..this guy is young!!’ He was still entertaining and said he would show me a good time ‘brazillian style’. I soon found out exactly what that meant.

Whoa…this wasn’t his house. He was pulling over to a motel. wtf?! It was closed. Lol. We needed to figure out where we were going and I had already made it clear that there was no way he was coming back to my place. We pulled over into a car park. He took his top off. OMG! Kick boxing had given him a perfectly toned torso and he grabbed me, picked me up and gave me a closer look. One thing led to another and it soon became apparent exactly what he wanted to do in the car park. No f**king way! I was not impressed. I said ‘Oh…is this what you mean by brazilian style?! Dude, you have ruined me for your countrymen!!’ We laughed about it… and I made a reasonably graceful and hasty exit.

He called me the next day and I declined his invite to revisit him..at a car park or anywhere else. In fact, I figured out how to say car park in portuguese (I can’t remember now) and would greet him by “Hi, (insert portuguese word) guy..” hahaha.. He kept calling so I stopped answering. Then he withheld caller ID and got through to me!! The little shit! That’s my trick. How dare he!! Haha..

He was a cute little guy but I’m really not young enough or old enough for car park adventures with Brazil guy. Maybe in another 10. At least I’ve had a Brazilian education though..hmmm

I am 30. Having left home and gone travelling at 16 I never was  into the party or clubbing scene prior to marriage. I had never had a one night stand much to my girlfriends amusement. Being one of those people who has to try stuff once I decided that maybe I should just for the experience.

My girlfriend and I went down to the local for a dance and to meet up with a guy she was seeing. There I met Paddler (he was a dragon boat racer). Well, not so much met. He just sat at the bar and watched us dance most of the night. Finally one of the guys from the gym introduced us. The place was closing so my gal pal, her guy friend and Paddler hopped into a taxi and went back to my place. I had only met him half an hour before.

The next thing we knew we were in bed. And then it was over. Seriously. OVER. OMG! Had anything actually started. This was a nice looking young man. 10 seconds is NOT normal. That’s ok. He was good to go again. 10 secs later I was starting at the ceiling and he was looking pretty damn happy. Grrrrrr…I was officially over it. He then blamed it on the condoms. Said perhaps we should lose them. I looked at him, took his face in my hands and said ‘Sweetie, I have three children and although I would really truly LOVE to have one that looks just like you..I think it’s a bit early to lose the condoms.’ He laughed and asked me if I was on the pill. I was incredulous!! Of course I was. Hardly the point. Right. I decided to try a different angle. I looked at him again and said ‘We met an hour ago babe. Put it this way…what’s my name?’ He looked at me blankly and had a few tries. FAIL! I shook my head. Alright, he was close but not spot on. Point made.

In the morning I made Paddler some breaky. My girlfriend said to him ‘Have you got her number?!’ I glared at her. That was hardly the point of a one night stand. Theoretically I shouldn’t even know his name. Hmm..On the way back to drop him to his car he asked for my number.

He sent me a few txts trying to arrange another meeting. I agreed. He then asked me ‘And when we meet are we going to have a whole lot of fun like the other night?’ I choked on my coffee! We?! Hmmm…I told him to forget it and deleted his number. I wasn’t going to guarantee him another 10secs of fun until I decided whether or not I liked him. I heard from him a week later and responded with ‘Who is this?’ He was shocked I’d deleted his number. He shouldn’t have been. I felt like he wanted to be sure he was going to get another ’shot’ before he met up for a drink. Insulting. He apologised and I agreed to have a drink with him. We met later than night and had a drink. It was little awkward after the whole number deleting incident. Hmmm..

We later met up again. This time at my place. I think I made a crack – accidentally – about 2min wonders. 2mins would have truly been fantastic at that point. After another 10secs I suspect we both realised that this relationship was going to be..um..shortlived..

So there is my One Night Stand…One and only I think..

As mentioned in an earlier post, internet dating was hugely time-consuming but I’m glad I went there. I look at it as a bit of a crash course and try not to judge men too harshly by the wildlife I encountered. Some of the stuff that landed in my inbox over breakfast would make a pirate blush. Why do so many men think that a picture of their cock is the ideal ice breaker? If a girl doesn’t like a guys face his cock isn’t going to save him! Where is the logic? Are we really from the same planet? Got to wonder…

The Marine

There was the crazy afro american Marine I went out with. Big, black, beautiful and the most enthusiastic date ever!! I mean EVER!! haha..He was fun to chat with. On our way down to a local bar after dinner he showed me a txt from his ex that went something like this…’I'm sorry Kenny. I have been to my doctor as have been in a bit of pain since we were together and he tells me that you are just too BIG for me to accomodate..I wish we could be together but it will never work..’ mwahahaha. Are you kidding?!! I really wasn’t sure whether it was a creative pick up line or just a scary reality… After a few more phone chats and promises to teach me to shoot, drag race and, of course, take me home to see mama (are you kidding?! we’ve only been out once!!) I decided that it was possibly best I not find out. Was a bit worried about PTSD kicking in and him using me for target practise with his weapons arsenal.

 The Kid

Ok. He was 20 and a total smart ass so thought it might be fun. I didn’t recognise him but the smart ass in him was delightfully apparent when I met him downtown for a coffee. We sat in the square and took the piss out of each other for a good 15mins before I did a runner – I had another date and had just txtd him as was in his neck of the woods and thought we could say hi. He seemed to be into the whole cougar thing and reminded me of one of those cute little dogs that you just want to cuddle before they start trying to hump your leg . I got constant txts trying to bait me into meeting up with him again – he was keen to show me his moves!! I thought calling him ‘kiddo’ would put him off. Apparently not. Finally I told him ‘I’m sorry kiddo. I’m rated R25. Come back and see me when you’re all grown up..’ Four years to go!!

The Mercenary

Then there was the guy who just got back from Iraq working as a hired gun over there. He was big and sexy in his own way. A little bit off centre. There was something I couldn’t quite put my finger on though. He asked me out one night and I said I was busy -  I was going out on a party bus. What do you know? The first bar we pull into he was there. Ahem. Little embarrassing but I think I made a good recovery. Invited him to come along. He invited me to come home with him. We both declined. A girlfriend who met him with me said he seemed quite menacing – like the kind of guy who would just snap. She might have been right. One day he had tried to call me a couple times and I hadn’t managed to return his call. He left a very shitty message on my voice mail and then seemed to catch himself and ended it nicely. Weird. I was a little scared to pull my usual ‘I’ve started to see someone exclusively…’ thing with him so just said I was taking a break from dating for a while. All good.

S&M guy

In my defense I had NO idea this guy was so creepy before I met him. The only one that scared me right from the start. He was HUGE and just sat there while we had a drink and started at me like I was something he was about to eat – no, not like that - really eat. Then when he walked me back to my car he thought he’d push me up against it and see what happened. No such luck mate. I hightailed it out of there. He then proceeded to send me a series of txts telling me exactly what he wanted to do to me. Scary. I think my silence finally made it’s point and he went away.

Straight? Gay? Confused?

Then there was the guy who was so immaculately dressed that I could have sworn he was gay. Not only that but he talked like it, walked like it, his mannerisms were just so…feminine. He was fun but I just wanted to hug him and call him girlfriend!! He kissed me goodnight though and sure kissed like a man. I just couldn’t do it though. I’m straight! Wait. See. He even had me confused. Lol.

The normal ones

There were some sweet, stable, normal ones too. Why oh why could I have not gone for them? To date me and nice guys have been like kids and veggies. I know they will be good for me but there is always something else on my plate I’d rather eat first.

In Summary

The internet is a weird wild wonderful place. Good for a laugh. Can be dangerous. It is great for building confidence after a long relationship ends. It makes dating easy and you find out you can go out with a different attractive stranger every night of the week if you want to. I did for a time. But now that I know that I can it has lost its appeal. I struggle to take any guy on the net seriously – certainly one that has been on there for a great deal of time. Am not sure it’s the place for a serious girl either. It speeds up what should be a slightly slower and more leisurely process. It’s a meat market. It probably has it’s place but it’s not my place. Not anymore.

Hmmm..This is the last of my internet dating adventures. All the previous guys except Alban I had met on the internet. 

After Alban I had hopped back onto a dating site and received 5000 emails in 6wks. All the scanning, deleting and replying was terribly time-consuming. It is great being a girl though. Just sit back and watch the mail roll in. I did end up chatting with some people I had no intention of ever meeting.

Farm guy was one of these. He lived a few hundred kms away. We chatted online everyday and enjoyed each others company. There was no pressure. We would never meet. Until he offered to fly me down to meet him – I was hesitant to fly down to a farm to meet a man for the first time – fully aware I would be potentially stranded if he turned out to be a weirdo. I was fairly confident he wasn’t and am a bit reckless so I packed my bags.

The ride back from the airport to the farm was a little quiet. He was a little quiet. Cute though and, well, one thing led to another. After a tour of the farm, meeting the dogs, cows and the resident pig what else was I going to do for 4 days? Besides, we had been talking daily for about 6wks so felt like I knew him…so… 

OMG!! He was awesome - seriously awesome – not sure why but OH MY GOD!!! Under 2mins for me every time and that is not normal. I was in a special kind of love. Farm guy and I got along great and while I was a little disappointed that he didn’t have any hay left in the barn I was actually a little sad leaving. I looked back and wondered if I would see him again or if that was it. Just a crazy weekend. He had joked about building a basement to lock me up in so I couldn’t leave. It was funny..at the time..

The day after I got home I got back from work to find a huge bouquet of red roses on my doorstep. We kept talking and made plans for another visit. He booked a ticket for me but then told me that maybe I shouldn’t come. He had trust issues and was sure that I must be seeing other guys. I wasn’t. Confused I tried to talk to him. He apologised and said he just couldn’t figure out why I would want to see him. He seemed like a decent hardworking guy, quiet but fun – awesome in the sack – loyal. What’s not to like? I thought he had some confidence issues but my personality can overwhelm some guys so thought perhaps he would be comfortable with and trust me when he got to know me better. I continued to visit but he kept doing it. He kept accusing me of lying. Cheating.

He flew up for my 30th and ruined my party with his moods – unhappy with all the other guys present even though I hardly left his side all evening. He bought me a beautiful necklace and made me a birthday card. I was so glad he was there but it seemed like we were only ok when no one else was present. Life’s not like that and a life like that would drive me mad. He was talking about marriage and babies. Hoping I would get pregnant! Aghhhh…THAT scared me shitless. I half joked that I was going to lock up my pills before he switched them for my artificial sweetener..Scary.

I finally ended things. I was due to fly back down to the farm and he had booked me about half a dozen return trips for the coming few months but he kept changing things, telling me not to come one day and asking me to come the next. Accusing me of things out of the blue. Asking me why I wasn’t wearing my necklace when I talked to him on web cam. He was starting to scare me and I wondered if I would come back if I flew down there again. Unpredictable, irrational jealousy is dangerous and no matter how much I would reassure him I was walking on eggs.

So I told him. He was upset. Told me that I was giving up too easily. Sure he wasn’t perfect but he was sorry. I had heard it before. Farm guy tried to make me feel like shit by telling me how much he had spent on me, how much the necklace cost – I was shocked and offered to return it. He didn’t want it back. Said he loved me. I know he’s lonely down there and felt sad for him but so relieved to have gotten myself out of a potentially dangerous situation in one piece.

I continue to hear from him every month or so. I did a week ago. I replied to his txt and told him I hoped he was well. The next day I received three emails with nude torso shots. So he has abs. So what? These emails were followed up by one saying ‘Oh..sorry..wrong address..’ LOL. He never communicated with me on my work email so clearly no accident –  just a little game. He followed up with a txt a couple days later saying something like ‘Silly me..sorry about those pics’. I replied and asked him not to contact me again. Hopefully he will think I’m devastated that he’s still on dating sites and leave it at that.

 

Then I met the perfect man. He was 18yrs my senior and was in the army. Army guy was tall with a broad chest and strong arms. He was handsome, funny, fit, intelligent. Fit the bill. We took things slow – so slow I was starting to wonder why. I was so used to being jumped at the first opportunity. This must be what a gentleman looks like!

We had dinner together. Went for runs, to the beach..spent the day at a nearby island. By our fourth or fifth date I think he finally kissed me. He was an awesome kisser too. I had nearly fully dissolved in a pool of lust by the next time I saw him. Drinks at his place. YES!!! We were on the couch and everything was going to plan. Army guy. Me. No clothes. But something was wrong. Viagra anyone? He went down on me but clearly had no technique. It wasn’t working. I told him not to stress. Perhaps in the morning. He picked me up and took me to bed and I slept all wrapped up in him. The next morning - same thing. Sigh. It happens though. Besides there was medication he could take and stuff he could do for me in the meantime – well, hopefully.

The next time I saw him I was cautiously optimistic. One of my younger guy friends told me that it had even happened to him. Perhaps it was a one off. But it wasn’t. Next time, same thing. He went down on me again. Aghhhh…I tried to give him some tips and pointers but he just wasn’t getting it! Ladies, as we all know, there is a button and he did not know where it was let alone what to do with it.

I thought I’d give things one last try. He was perfect. At 29 sex was pretty important to me though. It was a deal breaker for me. The next time he took Viagra and he was able to raise the flag! Yay! But he just kept going and going and going and going…it wasn’t fun. I was not a happy camper. It wasn’t working. Same thing in the morning. Sigh.

I met him for a coffee shortly after that and told him that our age gap was just too big. He is a good man and I wanted to let him down as gently as possibly but give him the respect of a reason without being hurtfully specific.

I saw him again recently. My God he is gorgeous and such a sweetie. If only I was different and sex wasn’t such a major. But it is right now. I still believe I can have my cake and eat it too. Hopefully I’m right.